Note: This is a non-technical post exploring drive for excellence.

I was thinking about what drives people who are top of their field? What makes Alex Honnold climb Taipei 101 without ropes, what makes David Goggins run ultramarathons with broken ankle, what makes Elon Musk sleep on the floor at the factory, what makes Jensen Huang and other top CEOs keep grinding, what makes Bryan Johnson (the “don’t die” guy) blueprint his life, or Tiger Woods, or MrBeast, or whoever you can think is out there pushing the boundary of whatever they are doing.

What makes you do what you do and push for more?

When I was in high school I was best in class, kind of. Anything STEM absolutely. Physics, math, chemistry were my best subjects and I went on to win many regional competitions and almost made it to nationals. But at the same time I was one of the worst students in physical education and music. I could not run and could not sing. I still remember those classes as some of the traumatic experiences of my life. Not being popular, fearing rejections I poured my energy into what I knew worked, which was the deterministic world of coding, math, and hard sciences. Many of us do the same throughout our lives. 

When I think about people I read about or people I know and admire there is always something in their story that made them push for that excellence. On the outside sometimes it looks just like a bit of luck or good upbringing, which do help for sure, but there is always something else. I will try to build my point by running down some names and you will see how the story adds up.

David Goggins didn’t run ultramarathons because he loves running. He ran to kill the weak person he was. His “cannot hurt me“ and “never finished” books are a great testament to that. I read both of those and it is obvious that the man was drowning his psychological pain in physical pain, much like some alcoholics.

Alex Honnold free soloed so much because he didn’t like the idea of having people around him (from one of the interviews) and because this is the way to cancel all the noise. When you are free-soloing El Capitan, you cannot worry about your taxes, your relationship, or your awkward childhood. You must be 100% present, or you die. I rock climb myself, here is my “rock climbing as a way to cope” post.

Jensen Huang famously said that “greatness comes from character, and character isn’t formed out of smart people, it is formed out of people who suffered”. He pushes for excellence because he views ease as a threat to survival and if you watch some of his interviews he constantly mentions the fear of running out of business.

I asked my daughter what she thinks drives MrBeast. Her first response was “money”. I poked more and she said “power”. I think on the surface this is true, but by looking at extreme obsessiveness over metrics and quality I think he is terrified of mediocrity and plateauing. He said explicitly “I am terrified of the day the line goes flat.” 

Bryan Johnson is probably an example of almost pathological fear and unacceptance of death. I am glad the guy is there experimenting on himself for all of us.

I’m not into golf, but by reading about Tiger Woods it becomes clear that for him the only way to feel safe and worthy was to win, all installed by childhood trauma.

I asked my wife to give me an example of someone famous, she gave me Coco Chanel, looking up her early life, her mom died at 12, dad abandoned her, she was raised in an orphanage sewing there and her designs are a desperate need to never go back to being the abandoned girl in the orphanage.

“You are either the best or you are nothing” – not quoting anyone famous, just one of my colleagues describing the harsh truth of some of the upbringings.

I tried to come up with counterarguments to my theory that people that drive for excellence are those that sacrifice something and struggle. I thought of Richard Feynman, Usain Bolt and a few others, and also  looked up some more names like Bill Gates, Larry Page, Charles Darwin, those who showed up as those with highly favorable upbringings. It is clear that not everyone perfectly fits the narrative I’m building. Indeed many of these people lucked out, were born at the right time and had the right start or were driven by some pathological curiosity or something unusual about them. But at the same time, when you think about it, Bill Gates was famously paranoid, remembering the number plates of employees. He definitely wasn’t running from poverty, but he was running from the terror of losing. Even the “lucky” ones are often running from something, like fear of failure, fear of irrelevance, or something we don’t know, which is more likely.

We often romanticize excellence as a pursuit of happiness. But looking at all of the examples above, it becomes clear that excellence is rarely a pursuit of happiness. It is very often a flight. It is running away from mediocrity, away from trauma, away from the noise.

By definition, to be the best, others have to be behind you. But the real race isn’t against them. It’s against the version of yourself you are terrified of becoming. Struggle does not guarantee success or excellence, actually it is survivorship bias to think so, millions of people struggle and get nowhere, many people struggle in destructive manner, so I see it only as necessary fuel on the path of excellence. Combine that fuel with agency and focused obsession, and you have the way to reach the peak.

Everything in life happens for the first time (and last time for that matter), but some things don’t happen at all. First kiss, first job, first home, first kid, first gray hair. Success isn’t guaranteed and failure isn’t unavoidable.

There is this martial arts dojo next to where I live. I used to walk past it and see people practice.  I never did any martial arts so it was very intimidating and uncomfortable to sign up there. Everyone appeared many levels above me, and true I would get punched in the face during sparrings. Year and a half past that I have fun and feel super comfortable during our light fights. Outside of the gym this gives a psychological sense of security (it is a false sense to some degree, though, but the effect is there).

I have never been to any sauna until maybe 30 years old. I always thought of saunas as some weird place where completely naked people sweat, so it was very uncomfortable to go to sauna at first. Now I can easily outsit many people there. I love saunas.

On one of my recent work trips there was a junior engineer on our team who would strike up a conversation with everyone, literary. It was amazing for me to observe this person: while buying coffee he would chat with a barista, he would join a random group of colleagues to chat about whatever. I mean, I have seen many extraverted people, but this was another level, so I followed his example and pushed myself to talk to strangers. On the flight back I started talking to a person next to me and had a great pleasurable chat that killed the entire flight’s time. This is because I pushed myself into discomfort, not because it was natural to me.

Being in a senior position at work requires stepping outside of comfort and talking to a lot of people I see for the first time. I have been observing how other leaders are doing this. I found that for myself I need to imitate what they are doing. The behavior appears to have common and fairly simple patterns: being respectful, thanking people for what they do, catching the essence of the message, speaking but also giving others opportunity to talk, etc. Topic for another discussion, but pushing yourself to be more like a leader makes you a leader.

You need to sign-up to give that presentation at work, you need to have that uncomfortable discussion, you need to pick that daunting project, you need to step outside of your comfort zone and embrace the challenge. Growth only happens when you stretch beyond what you already know or what feels safe. Biggest successes in life come from risk taking and discomfort! (yes, there is a chance you will fail, otherwise it won’t be a risk).

This blog post is mainly a short self-reminder about the importance of embracing uncertainty and intentionally stepping into the discomfort territory. Do it – you will emerge stronger on the way out.

I signed up to showcase my rock climbing hobby at work during DEI&B fair next week. This is a bit uncomfortable, let’s see how it goes. More to come…

“They reproduce – that’s how you know!”

During one of my business trips, I had an interesting encounter with a person responsible for maintenance of the fish tanks in the office. As we chatted about his work, he shared an insightful moment. His employer wanted to measure the results of his work and had once asked him, “How do we know you’re doing a good job?” He pointed to the fish tank and proudly said: “See those little fish? Fish in this tank reproduce in captivity and that’s how you know I’m doing a great job.”

In this post I would like to go over my experiences with measuring success and work results in the context of different jobs I had. I want to highlight some personal learnings from each of these experiences.

Experiences

In my first role I didn’t care about the business metrics or showing the results of my work, I was a grinding machine – I had a job and I had it done. Did my management care about the work I did? I bet they did, otherwise they wouldn’t put me through two promos. With my first experiences of leading a team I started looking at things like tasks completed, sprint burndowns, etc. In retrospect I was very focused on tracking “work completion” for myself and my team that I might have overlooked connecting this work to actual business impact. I was lucky someone did this for me and our work delivered results but if I was there now I would have spent more time understanding the business.

At my next job, my team owned multiple backend services where performance metrics were critical. “We need to handle 7TPS on a single node, how many nodes do we need to handle the entire traffic?” “This API is slow and has weird behavior of being very slow for some of the requests. Can we figure out the bottleneck and get P99 of requests <150ms?” I think this was the job when I truly understood how technical solutions connect to business success. I found the performance bottleneck and this allowed for a “bet from autocomplete” feature launch which improved user engagement by xx%. (Btw, the bottleneck was a forceful garbage collection as a way of reducing memory, instead I got rid of this memory optimization and instead asked for more memory on servers hosting the service).

Things were somewhat strange at my next job. At first I worked on an app for IAEA agents to use to record their activities during their visits to nuclear facilities around the world. I didn’t know exactly how they measured their success even though I was curious. But later I had a chance to work on a scientific/statistical tool that would take raw nuclear material accounting data and perform all kinds of analysis of the data, come up with reports and KPIs. In a way this was a measurement product by itself.

Amazon is famous for being data driven and measuring everything. When I worked there everything had to be backed by data. And this wasn’t just for engineers. Same standard applied throughout the entire company. My promo had to be backed by the list of all the projects I completed, impact they had, stats on code, etc, etc. Dates mattered a lot as well. Market is ruthless and requires things to be completed before the deadline (think Prime Day, Re:Invent).

Google is another example of an extremely data driven company and I have had a chance to work on things related to how Google makes decisions based on data. Effect of any smallest change is measured on a small percentage of traffic in order to make an informed decision. There is an experiment almost behind any code change. Google taught me to always add a section “Landed Impact” at the end of every design doc and then populate it post launching the document with specific realized impact. Google had so much impact on my life that I’m setting my personal goals using OKR methodology. If you want some related reading, consider reading the book “Measure what matters”.

Conclusion

Understanding the success of a project is about aligning technical results with business outcomes. For example, if you’re optimizing code for faster processing, link this improvement to reduced server costs or increase in revenue, and then measure all of these components. And from a career perspective, you always want to be able to say what you did and what impact it had. The impact has to be stated in numbers and should have some meaning behind it. People should care about your numbers. If no one cares about your numbers, think again if what you are doing is worth doing.

This is original content by Andriy Buday.

Inspiration doesn’t last

One of my observations both in myself and in others is that being consistent is hard, especially in starting something new or in high effort activities. Think about when you get inspired to go to the gym every other day only to discover it is hard to find time, or think about when people talk about yet another self-help book that promises success if you just follow some simple morning ritual and “x rules of success” only to realize following those rules is unrealistic, or think about someone who fell in love and puts effort into looking and behaving exemplary only to revert to the baseline after some time.

Arguably, it is in human nature to have waves of inspiration, attempting something, and abandoning it if it doesn’t pay off instantly or after it has paid off. Lack of time, competing priorities, procrastination, laziness, waiting for a better time, just not feeling like it.

In this post I would like to document for myself and to share some of the instances of things that worked for me and didn’t work for me. I will try to analyze my own behavior to see if any of this can be generalized and if there is a way to figure out a way to make things work.

Consistency fading away

Let’s start with some scenarios where I had success but then consistency faded away in a very long run:

• Consistent blog post writing
  • I have 328 blog posts over here. The majority of posts are old ones from 2010-2013 with a monthly average of 5-10 posts.
  • Inspiration: blogging was popular around 2010 (no gen AI, no insta, not much of twitter) and it paid off in terms of people getting to know me, building connections. I would have not done well in my career without this blog.
  • Reason for less blogging? Anyone can use Gen AI to create a blog post a lot better than this one diminishing my enthusiasm, no one really reads posts these days, internet is just over-saturated. And frankly “I got tired” as was put by one of my early role model, Scott Hanselman, after 20 years of blogging. At the same time there are still benefits of developing the writing skill itself.
  • Conclusion: blogging helped me in the past; it is still useful even now to organize my thoughts.
• Reading books
  • I don’t know the number of books I read, but I had multiple annual goals of reading, say 24 books a year, 6 tech books, or 13 investment books, etc. and I succeeded in many of those annual goals or had partial success (hard to do a book every 2 weeks).
  • Inspiration: eagerness to apply knowledge to advance in life, bright eyes thinking that books have all the answers, falsely thinking that book authors are another breed.
  • So I don’t read books now? Well, I do, but a lot less. Over time to me many books became repetitive and boring, especially, if they are on the same topic (say, productivity) plus it becomes annoying to spend time listening to non-original content and authors citing all the same research over and over. Another issue I have is that I don’t have a proper mechanism for remembering things, so often it is wasted time. You read a book and a week later you have a hard time recalling what was there.
  • Conclusion: no doubt reading books is beneficial, everyone should do it, but is it so hard to continue to find inspiration, time, and satisfaction in reading them.

Cyclic consistency

Now let’s look at some of the cyclic scenarios when I returned to the old consistency for some periods of time:

• Interview prep
  • Arguably one would say that everybody prepares for interviews when they change jobs, but I went through a few instances when I was preparing for half a year or so without any interviews lined up or even thoughts of changing jobs. Yeah, just doing some 5-10 leetcode every week for fun.
  • Motivation: sense of importance of advance preparation and always being ready, but also I just like coding a tiny bit of something and feeling completeness.
  • Conclusion: cyclic approach worked great for me in the past, but after multiple months it becomes less fun I start to question my sanity.
• Waking up in the morning
  • I’m likely an evening person (if there is such a thing). I had many periods of being an early morning person. You know “new you” waking at a crazy morning, “deep work”, and all of that, but it doesn’t always work like that, very often I feel like a zombie and after multiple “zombie” periods I gave up on the morning thing. Ironically, I started this blog post 6:30AM and am almost done by 9AM.
  • Inspiration: there is like a barrage of books, articles, gurus, whatever telling that if you claim morning to yourself you will have done more till noon than most people in a week. Lol, I wish that was true.
  • This one is painful. I had so many failures after attempting this that. Something that also bothers me is that I was extremely productive at some of my previous jobs when I would come to the office like 11:30AM after barely waking at 10:30AM but then would work till very late.

Consistency on the raise

And now I want to examine two cases where I consistently improve consistency if that makes sense.

• Physical exercises
  • One of the things I did not pay attention to in childhood and early adulthood was health and physical exercising. I was healthy for the most part, I didn’t care how I looked. In 2016 I started having periods of running, then I discovered rock climbing, and in 2021 I went nuts and worked out 365 days, including 148 rock climbing gym visits (my climbing stuff), 78 runs, 87 hours of weight training, and many other activities.
  • Inspiration: this came naturally, originally motivation was establishing challenges with friends, later I found it could be fun to beat personal records and socialize in a bouldering gym, a also noticed how it helped dealing with mental stress and my back pains are gone.
  • Conclusion: consistent payoff and little downside made this ever more consistent activity. I might not hit 366 days this year, but will be very close to it.
• Financial goals
  • As a disclaimer, I work for FAANG company but I work in Canada and started fairly late, so I’m not one of those multi-million net worth guys advising on life. Instead, while making regular (still high) software engineer money in Europe, I’ve been very consistent and deliberate in management of money. I have a custom spreadsheet I update every month since 2012. I read multiple books, tried a bit of more active trading and switched to super-simple strategies. All-in-all just grinding a consistent approach to money. Not that I didn’t make mistakes, purely from financial perspective I should have moved to the US, I bought a townhouse in Vancouver at the worst time possible and some other mistakes.
  • Inspiration: I guess sense of security and thoughts about the future are a great driving factor, but a lot of actual inspiration came from reading popular financial books, like those about Warren Buffett.

Conclusion

It is great to get inspired and I recommend deliberately looking for sources of inspiration: read books, look for mentors, create plans for yourself. With that having said, inspiration lacks durability and this is where work to build and maintain habits starts, it is hard and often results in failure. In my experience, starting something and then failing is OK as long as you start the cycle again and again, pushing the time of a failure further and further away in any given cycle. It is critical to ensure that your cycles are the right ones (another topic), but eventually your cycles will connect into one uninterrupted wavy line that takes you to your goals. Don’t give up!